I've been struggling with a lot of life questions lately. Questions are good, I think, when they challenge a person to understand fully their situation. But until you find answers or some sort of contentment about the matter, questions can be doors into dark places.
That's how I feel. I can't see what's in front of me. I remember a while back, I saw the path of my life lit up and it led me here, I knew it would. But now that I've come this far I can't see what's further down the road. I feel lost because I don't understand the purpose behind why I'm here. How can I live without drive or meaning? I want to know where all this is going.
I'm asking God to help me remember...I think he told me once but those words have faded from my mind. I remember learning to trust him through so many other circumstances and he always came through for me, it should be no different this time, right?
I never really considered myself as a needy person before. I've always had Jesus...He's always been enough. I don't feel like I have meaningful relationships with people here and that has left me feeling empty. Jesus taught me to need people in addition to needing him. It was a hard thing for me to grasp but my present situation confirms to me that I get it now. It's strange for me to feel need. I'm feeling a lot of need. I need to have a place to contribute my passions. I need to grow spiritually with someone here. I need to express myself with someone watching. I need to give someone something to help meet their needs. I want mutual exchange. I want to exchange brutal honesty. I want to cry with someone. I want to laugh with someone. I want to live in community again.
I don't see it. Somehow I think there should be a way to apply myself in this context. There should be a way for me to establish a sense of community. There should be a way to stop feeling like this. But I just don't see it.
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